Newsletter #323 - Eyes On The Prize

Hey Shitcoiners,

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Another spicy week in the books! The latest newsletter is a little delayed but don’t worry, we haven’t forgotten about you. Let’s dig in. 2025 is looking like it’s going to be a big year.

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Will it top 2024? Who knows. At least now you can tell your normie friends they have exposure even if they still think they are nocoiners!

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However, some are still reluctant to accept the inevitable. This will be viewed as either a masterstroke as they didn’t buy the top or an absolute travesty for Microsoft shareholders.

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David Sacks is going to be the “crypto czar” and it turns out he has been lurking in the space for some time. Bullish.

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With all of this positive news it’s worth remembering that the long arm of Uncle Sam is still chasing some of the OGs. Roger was interviewed by Tucker Carlson. Remember to sign the petition at freerogernow.org.

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There has been a lot of talk of crypto companies (and individuals) moving back to the US. However, other nation states are making some strong offers to lure the next generation of the ultra wealthy. The prize? Infinite capital.

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And with all of the debanking going on, what they are offering is quite attractive to many.

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We are all GMI but it’s worth remembering you don’t have to be a elite-level trader with excellent timing to win. CZ is doing okay after buying at the “wrong time”.

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The signs of the top from previous bull cycles are circulating on the daily. Uncle Gary is down 7% but he’s not worried, he’s waiting for retail.

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The market is pumping but your degenerate hold may not be following the trend. This is your heaviest asset.

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However, some coins have been doing very well. Fartcoin has been blowing up off of the back of it’s interactions with Truth Terminal. The numbers don’t lie.

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This is the American dream.

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Taiki is always keen to get in on the hottest tokens. He has subsequently sold his entire Hyperliquid airdrop and bought. Is this bullish?

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Did he finally time the market?

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Things were looking good…

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Until the Taiki curse caught up with him as expected. He sold a runner, bought another runner but then missed out on the hyper-gains. RIP.

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He is feared.

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Others did not sell their HYPE. Jmo did nothing and he is winning.

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You may never get a chance to slam this one hard. It just keeps going up.

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Hyperliquid is so good that even hackers are utilising it to juice up their stolen holdings!

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It’s early days but a potential Solana killer has entered the building.

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However, who knows, it feels unlikely but we may end up going full circle.

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Your entire net worth may be in this man’s hands.

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Everything you click is turning to gold. If you picked up one of those rocks back in the day, you may be able to finally flip it. The key word in that is “maybe”. We are unsure how big the market is for NFT rocks.

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You have been in the trenches for years and you are in so deep that Bloomberg now says that you own “niche tokens”. We aren’t sure if this is bullish or bearish.

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Those tokens may be niche but you could be a HAWK investor. Hailey has been sleeping for days.

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Literally.

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Oh and that X spaces from last week where they said they were in it for the long term… Yeah, it’s not looking good if you decided to hold that garbage.

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She remains in a slumber.

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You can lose all of your crypto on degenerate memecoins or you can have inaccessible assets on your go-to CEX. This industry is unforgiving.

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If you made it big, don’t worry. Coinbase will force you to hodl anyway.

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Speaking of hodl’ing. If you were ballsy enough to buy on CoinPal back in 2010 you may be sitting on a fortune. This is elite UX.

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If you were in Miami for Art Basel, you could have caught a historic moment in AVAX lore. Choose Rich Nick taped his penis to the wall of a yacht. We are unsure if this is a PR play or genuine. Either way, it sounds positive for all parties.

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Regardless of how good the meme potential is here, we also can think of nothing worse than being stuck at an AVAX yacht party.

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On the topic of penises, Bryan’s nighttime erections have their own betting market!

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Dick measuring in crypto is going offline with the rise of Crypto Fight Night. The fights are never good but they do produce some solid memes. Bit Boy fought Ansem. We hear it was a draw. Bitlord delivered the meme.

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We were promised a spectacle and instead this is what we got.

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Cobie has no time for the ring, he’s busy wagecucking. Echo dropped a huge announcement.

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We round this one off with a reminder that we are on the ultimate timeline. Don’t get shaken out. Up Only.

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See you next week!

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Team Shitcoin.com