Newsletter #329 - Pardon My Bags

Hey Shitcoiners,

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It has been quite the week! We should get straight to it as we have a lot to get through. As the build up to the inauguration heated up, so did the Bitcoin price. All-time high confirmed.

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As we neared the 22nd the movers and shakers in the US paid $100k to attend the Crypto Ball. They were treated to bullposting IRL.

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But while they were at the ball, Trump’s team dropped arguably the biggest memecoin of the cycle.

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The concept of “buying early” entered a new paradigm. Degenerates were picking up bags with a market cap in the billions.

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We are so back.

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The price kept soaring and Trump’s net worth almost tripled in a few hours.

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This is a simulation.

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Europoors rekt.

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As the token launched on Solana, Ethereum holders were also rekt.

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GCR is back!

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Do you remember our arch-nemesis Gary Gensler? He must be seething.

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However, some events would transpire that would leave some calling out his return…

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The Trump team decided to drop a Melania coin which sent the industry into a frenzy.

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It also led to a significantly crash for TRUMP as holders reallocated to the new coin. Fortunes were lost.

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Trump had to do what he had to do.

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However, the Melania coin would not do as well as the OG. There were signs too.

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RIP.

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Shady token distributions are no longer a concern. Hawk Tuah was ahead of her time.

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We’ll just drop this in here. Interesting take.

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With the memecoin extravaganza over, Trump got to work. The Executive Orders are looking favourable!

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So bullish.

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Did you ever think you would be getting your crypto news from a retired basketball player? This was not on our bingo card.

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We are happy to hear that Trump is learning from us. He is out of the trenches and off to the Middle East to cash out.

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With Trump in the White House, we were eagerly awaiting the release of Ross Ulbricht. The promise of a resolution as soon as he was in office was given. CT reminded the world.

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A promise made is a promise kept.

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Welcome home, Ross.

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In a classy touch, Kraken made a sizeable donation to Ross.

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Congratulations Lyn!

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With the market in up-only mode, Ethereum was lagging as it has done for several months if not years. Bag holders were in disbelief.

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Ah, the ETH/BTC chart. Spectacular.

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Well done to the team!

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Things have got bad enough that Vitalik has to become the leader he seemingly never wanted to be. Are big changes brewing?

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Milady.

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Vitalik is going to extreme lengths to save his baby.

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It’s tough to remove a curse though.

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It’s hard to win when the team leading your project don’t care about winning. RIP.

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Ethereum must shake the DEI shackles if they want to stand any chance of competing.

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It appears that Vitalik is ready to impose his overlord status on the EF. Let him cook!

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Money bad (allegedly).

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This is an excellent TLDR if you skip the Ethereum sections of the newsletter.

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The dot eth’s are dropping like flies.

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Michael with the hot take.

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His Excellency never misses an opportunity to insert himself into the conversation. Here’s what Justin would do if he was in charge.

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If you read between the lines this basically means that Vitalik can be bribed. GMI.

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After it’s historic rise post-airdrop, the Hyperliquid price has cooled off a little. We don’t understand what this metric is but Jeff Mode sounds fun.

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Meanwhile in other big hitter news, Thorchain is insolvent.

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Back to the memes! John McAfee has been resurrected. Well kind of. His widow Janice has launched an AI version of him. We hope the AI is as degenerate as he was.

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So Lindy.

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The memecoins keep growing to mind-boggling levels. Taiki’s Fartcoin bag was doing exceptionally well earlier this week.

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But the party would be temporarily over. Sure, the coin does not have a wife and kids but it does have a man behind it pushing buttons and extracting obscene amounts of value.

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