Newsletter #333 - Extraction And Extinction

Hey Shitcoiners,

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A shenanigans-filled newsletter awaits. In news that sent shockwaves through the industry this week, Javier Milei had his name attached to a token and subsequently saw it rug to infinity. It was quite the spectacle.

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The irony!

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As retail got rekt, the president of Argentina decided to distance himself from the coin as much as possible.

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When shit hits the fan, what do you do? You launch a task force!

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Mistakes were made.

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If el presidente had no idea about the specifics, who did? It soon came to light that Kelsier Ventures were behind the launch. Despite raking in millions, their CEO Hayden decided the best thing to do was not to get legal counsel start spilling all of the details. RIP.

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This is what peak performance looks like.

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We have a new man in charge.

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And he’s massive.

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If you are looking to initiate some maximum extraction from the Solana trenches then you need the fit.

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The trenches will take everything you have and spit you out.

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As Hayden continued his horrific press tour, he chose to have a sit down with Coffeezilla. It wasn’t a good look. Yikes.

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Fortunes have been made (and lost) in the memecoin arena over the last few weeks. With a select few tokens running into the billions immediately after launch, we were left wondering who was behind them. We now have our answer.

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This man really knows how to screw himself. He dropped some bombs about the TRUMP launch too. Insidooors!

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Hayden was trying to clear his name but he seems to have done exactly the opposite. He should have just shut up.

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Gainzy with the heat.

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What a time to be alive.

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Max extract.

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Imagine being up this much and still basically anonymous. Yet you want more. Greedy piglet.

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Here’s the TLDR.

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With Solana being the hotpot of crime, all eyes were on what would happen next. Toly saw no possible fallout. He was wrong.

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Hayden still held hundreds of millions in his wallet which he didn’t know what to do with. The industry was looking for solutions and one market participant suggested that Cobie should be the escrow. He wanted to let Javier know he had nothing to do with it.

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You will not cry in the casino!

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This is political-speak for he promoted it.

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How did Hayden get this deal in the first place? Word on the street was that he was paying Milei’s sister. Spicy!

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Messages have surfaced and they are not pretty.

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Unfortunately Hayden can no longer controlo it.

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Many lost fortunes but a lucky few got a risk-free trade!

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And it appears that the lucky guy was Dave Portnoy.

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Once a man of the people, Dave has now resorted to rugging you in the name of memes. At least he’s learning how it’s done.

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The trenches are unforgiving. It is highly likely they are not a place for you.

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With Hayden getting a lot of heat, the other crypto Hayden has been getting messages too. RIP Hayden Adams.

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Very suspicious.

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We remember a time when criminals had one liners that went down in lore. We have gone so far to the left of the bell curve it’s unreal.

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The state of it.

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This is a mass extinction event. If you have survived by getting out at the right time or did not participate, you are a winner.

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You can’t frontrun the market this time!

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Asteroids could be hitting the planet and some would still be losing it all on the latest shitter.

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This raised a lot of important points. The CEO of Backpack shared some heat.

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What happens to Ansem in 2025?

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As the market searched for a bottom, Taiki worried that he had capitulated too early. He has to stop.

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Solana meme participants were fleeing to other chains but we hear that the grass is not always greener.

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Where to shelter your assets in times of extreme volatility?

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Aptos is looking good here.

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One man, the “Aptos GCR” @BuzzlamicJihad, is trying to CTO the chain. It really is looking good here.

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The fair launch of HYPE has gone down well so far. However, we have seen a bunch of VC coins launch in the last few weeks. Allegedly Linea, built by Consensys are ready to max extract.

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Monad is another highly anticipated launch in 2025. Their Discord has pretty much called it so far. Who is this savant?

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Kaito also launched their KAITO token. The influencers have been yapping-to-earn for months. Cobie here with the PSA.

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If you are looking for a strong founder to lead you through the next cycle, the top 10 is not the place for you.

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Cock.

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Whenever the market takes a hit, a small segment of CT immediately calls for alt szn when ETH bounces more than 1%. Do not be that person.

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It’s quite rare in a Shitcoin.com newsletter for Trump to feature so far down the pecking order. This week he reiterated his stance that America is going to become the crypto capital of the world. Will he save us?

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