Newsletter #335 - Unprecedented Volatility

Hey Shitcoiners,

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If volatility is your thing, this week delivered. We had desperate lows and insane highs. It was a lot to take in. Let us dial it back to where we were at just a week ago. The outlook was bleak and Saylor told you to that it was not the time to give up your position. Sell that kidney and hodl.

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Unfortunately for him, that Forbes cover wasn’t ageing too well!

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The timeline was losing hope. The idea of another bear market without any realized gains felt very real.

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The orange man was not delivering on his promise of a Trump Pump. Gabriel turned to substances to numb the pain.

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Yikes.

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The volatility has been something else. Toilets were liquidated.

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But there was hope. One man has been losing money for a year straight. The whole market is counter trading Sifu. Would we bounce?

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Yes.

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Just before the announcement of the Crypto Strategic Reserve, we got wind that a whale was 50x long with $200m in positions. The mind could not comprehend the degeneracy.

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But it’s not really degen when you are trading on insider information. Gains, nice for some.

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In a totally predictable move, the whale casually went short just before Trump announced his tariffs of the week, which sent the charts back to where they were 24 hours earlier.

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Crypto traders could not be cheered up.

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As the week developed, all eyes were still on what the US did next. There have been talks of a conflict of interest for David Sacks. He is doing everything he can to make it clear he wants us all to win.

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Moves are being made. It is real!

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Spicy.

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Bitcoiners were elated. Nic Carter with the hot conspiracy take.

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Kek.

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As the market settled and slowly climbed up, some heavy hitters were scooping the dip.

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Meanwhile, Bukele has been IMF-cucked. RIP.

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It’s important to be fuelled correctly to be the best dip-scooper you can be. One member of CT got the Bryan Johnson seal of disapproval. This is terrible ROI.

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One man who can’t enjoy the luxury of a McDonald’s is SBF. In a new twist, he did an interview with Tucker Carlson from prison.

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Bizarre.

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To Ethereum! You might have seen in last week’s edition, we mentioned the latest pivot at ETH Denver. Arthur didn’t quite understand the joke. We really hope he gets it now.

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Doom porn.

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Vitalik thinks Ethereum needs some fresh faces to bring it back to life. Many of our ETH-holding subscribers fall into the “OG” category. You are all jaded.

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You have grown up and have come to terms with reality.

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Vitalik wants to bring the young blood in, but he wants an external advisory group to oversee where they take things next.

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The EF is stuck in an endless loop of circle jerking and baseless titles. See below.

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At least Danny Ryan is doing something!

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The lack of action has led to many casualties.

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Embrace!

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You will be a stablecoin, and you will be happy.

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The ETH action over the past few years has been so bad it is stopping cat from getting handies.

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The brutal rollercoaster seen in the charts this week has left some people shook. Ansem is sidelined.

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Wen Hitler coin?

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This week saw some more support shown for Roger as he fights for his freedom.

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Free Roger.

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If Richard Heart can get off scot-free, Roger can.

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The government of the past was not so forgiving. The Winklevii got out of their legal troubles due to their deep pockets, others were not so fortunate.

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